Texting joke

Q: What do cows use in their text messages? 

A: E-moo-jis!

Candy joke

Q: Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

A: Because he wanted sweet dreams!

Number joke

Q: What happened when 19 and 20 got into a fight?

A: Twenty-one

Coffee joke

Q: What is the opposite of a coffee?  A: A sneezy

Flower joke

Q: What is the opposite of a coffee?

A: A sneezy

Boxing joke

Q: What is a boxer’s favorite drink?

A: Fruit punch!

Train joke

Q: How do trains hear?

A: With engine-ears!

Journalist joke

Q: What kind of underwear do reporters wear?

A: News briefs.

Cow joke

Q: What do you call a cow with no legs?

A: Ground beef!

Tire joke

Q: Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

A: At forks in the road.

Pepper joke

Q: What does a nosy pepper do?

A: It gets jalapeño business.

Duck joke

Q: Why did the detective duck get an award?

A: Because he quacked the case!

Apple joke

Q: How do you make an apple turnover?

A: You push it down a hill

Hair salon joke

Q: How do hair stylists speed up their job?

A: They take short cuts!

Pig talk joke

Q: How do pigs talk?

A: Swine language!

Ice joke

Q: Why can’t you tell a joke while standing on ice?

A: Because it might crack up!

Pirate joke

Q: Why couldn’t the kid see the pirate movie?

A: It was rated ARR!

Haunting joke

Q: What streets do ghosts haunt?

A: Dead ends.

Sun joke

Q: Why did the sun go to school?

A: To get brighter!

Pencil joke

Q: What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

A: Pointless.

Ocean joke

Q: How do you cut a wave in half?

A: Use a sea saw.

Watch joke

Q: Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

A: Because he wanted to be on time.

Cloud joke

Q: How do you wrap a cloud?

A: With a rainbow

Tomato joke

Q: What did the late tomato say to the early tomato?

A: “I’ll ketch up!”

Sea monster joke

Q: What do sea monsters eat?

A: Fish and ships!

Dog joke

Q: What goes tick, tick, woof, woof?

A: A watch dog!

Pizza joke

Q: Want to hear a pizza joke?

A: Nevermind, it’s too cheesy.

Beard joke

Q: Why did the man start liking facial hair?

A: Dunno, it just grew on him.

Train joke

Q: How does a train eat?

A: It goes chew chew!

Mississippi joke

Q: Why does the Mississippi river see so well? 

A: Because it has four eyes!